Gay Rights Debate

What is the "gay rights" debate about?

It's about two people being legal partners, legal beneficiaries and legally bound. Already, many churches marry same-sex partners "under God"; this cannot be taken away by government. The only thing that can be taken away by government are rights that should not be given by government. DOMA is offensive and government has no role in marriage. Marriage is between two people who choose to live their lives together.

My husband and I are agnostic and were married by my father (who is a notary) under the law. Instead of marriage, we could have drafted a legal agreement that outlines and specifies our arrangement.

Instead of fighting for the government to okay gay marriage, we ought to be fighting for the government to get the hell out of our marriages. Marriage is a decision that two people make to share responsibilities and households. When a marriage falls apart, it's a legal battle. Married couples should not get a tax break, or a tax hit.

In my opinion, we're spending time on the wrong fight.

First, repeal DOMA.

Second, repeal the income tax.

Third, make sure that your significant other is your beneficiary on everything.

You don't have to be married for your life insurance benefits to go to your partner. Make sure your significant other is specified on your living will so that they can help you in your time of need. If a straight person is not married, they can have someone not-related in their hospital room if they have specified it. So what's the difference if you are gay?

The "goodbye" day

Today is the day. It's the day that no one wants to remember and I'm certain those being remembered never want us to dwell on these days... it's the day of death. Today is the day I said goodbye to my mother's physical body. Today, four years ago, is the day I started my motherless journey.

It was Friday the 13th, just before her favorite holiday: St. Patrick's Day. It's all a haze from the 13th to the 20th when we celebrated my mom's life at a beautiful facility in Asheville NC. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and the sunset was breathtaking. Her friends were there, loving her and giving love to our entire family. Our extended family was there, telling stories, hugging, laughing, crying and just loving each other. The young children were playing during the ceremony, just as she would have wanted them to. She was in their hearts, teaching them to sing instead of cry. Reminding us how grand life is, no matter how short.

Never will she be out of my heart or out of my head, but forever will I miss our conversations.

I was a tough teenager. I pushed the boundaries in life and in parenting. And I am so thankful that I was old enough when my mom passed (I was 31, she was 64) that we had a chance to reflect on it. And you know what? She didn't resent me! She was thankful! She told me that I pushed her to be a better person. All those times in the car when she'd put on the personal growth tapes, I cursed under my breath how annoying it was. And all this time later, I still use those lessons to grow. To stay grounded. To remember that life is what I make of it.

So, as I remember this day, the toughest day I've ever experienced, I also remember how fortunate I am to have had a mother who pushed back when I pushed her. Who always kept learning, who always stayed hopeful and who always said the things that made us step back and contemplate ourselves.

It's a good life.